My heart feels heavy with an unknown pain,
Mind tangled with a feeling of fading.
Unsettling numbness,
No sensation felt,
A crave for rest in a dirt bed.
From the corner of my eye,
Watching my flesh dissolve,
The scorching summer heat makes the skin bubbles dance.
I am in the process of becoming one with the earth,
The pain not felt; it’s been a while.
Long forgotten, I scream,
“I am here.”
Only the sound of nature going about its daily routine,
I hear the birds, wing flaps, and rustling leaves.
The earth moves as I lie still in a shallow grave forgotten.
I watch the pale skies,
The only wide view I have got.
The sun’s rays touch my pupils as I squint.
I let out a scream again;
“I am here.”
In this shallow grave, I lay,
Waiting to be found one day.
A soul stuck in an untouched abyss,
I lie restless until found.
Imagine living abroad, far away from your family and friends, and trying to build a new life from scratch. You’re already feeling depressed after turning thirty five recently, and then one Sunday morning in December, you receive heavy and heartbreaking news: your sister has passed away.
You freeze, feeling helpless and powerless. You live thousands of miles away, and there’s nothing you can do to change what has happened. Brick by brick, your world as you know it starts to collapse, and the reality of your sister’s absence hits hard.
Today is Thursday, and for the first time in a while, I woke up to my alarm feeling better than yesterday. However, even after 34 years, I am a mystery to myself. A lazy mystery.
After brushing, washing, and cleaning up, I returned to my bedroom and looked outside. Feeling like an Instagram post. The sun shinnied brightly, me soaking in the vitamin D. This year has been an emotional roller coaster, and now I feel the urge to seek professional help. But I won’t. I am not that person. I just want to be, do nothing or perhaps disappear to nothingness.
Nothingness sounds divine.
Eyes closed and the warmness of the sunlight reaches my eyes; a feel of happiness but my mood shifted to grayness. A phone call from mother. Sad news about my cousin’s marriage. I can’t help but feel sorry for her husband. She’s a handful and a master manipulator with a hint of narcissism.
I have a work call scheduled for 11am, but I’m not in the mood. Work has been offline since last Friday. I want to read, maybe wright, but I didn’t do any of that.
It’s been a month since I cut down on carbs, and I’ve lost a few pounds. Today, I weigh 178 pounds, which isn’t bad for someone who won’t move a muscle and still manages to lose weight by avoiding carbs. My husband, on the other hand, goes to the gym every day and is very happy with his weight loss. Sometimes, I worry that I might lose him to a woman with a better physique. I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens, though. I know him well, and I’m ready for my future.
Life is tough, regardless of one’s wealth or status. We all face our own unique challenges. To be honest, I’m not ready for old age or life in general, just forced to breath.
Woke up with a throbbing headache. It’s the consequence of me banging my head on the wall several times last night after going all psycho ballistic on my partner. The lowest I have been since 2008. His actions and the betrayal got me all worked up.
My head still pounding, even at noon. The pain keeps getting heavier and heavier. I am at work looking happy and together under my beautifully put together mask. The façade has begun to drain my energy. I crave grapes sweet essence, a need to drown and wash away the sins and the heart ache.
It’s been 47 days since I discovered his extra marital activities. Since then, I have suffered and survived mini breakdowns in tears.
He seeks forgiveness and wanting things to go back to normal while taking what took place ever so lightly. He wants me to forgive him and move on. Him pretending and referring to it as an online charting and fun session.
I call it sexcapade!
Baring heavy concerns about my future, I prepare and plan for a single woman’s life. Anything can happen at point. I am done worrying about this tainted relationship.
Hurt has a way of lingering. For me, it goes back a decade. Every now and then, I find myself revisiting the painful past – broken friendships, unresolved hurt, and the inability to move forward. I scroll through old group pictures and comments we made at that time, which we thought were cool. But why does it hurt so much to let go of ex-best friends? Were we really best friends at all? Eventually, I decided to remove all 14 of them and block a few on social media, just to ease my pain.
I often thank the universe for turning a new chapter in my life. Moving to North America was the biggest highlight of 2019 and I am no longer part of the same social circles.
Now, I no longer must pretend or keep up with the mean girl wannabes. Though I thought moving to a new continent would help me forget, social media has made sure that I keep up with them occasionally. The Covid lockdown did a number on me and seeing them all happy and moved on with their little petty lives made me feel a mix of anger and envy.
Back then, all I wanted was to be included, not realizing my own worth. But things are different now. I have the power to decline the negativity they project onto me.
I used to suck it up and tolerate the group since the ’90s, always pretending to be someone else and trying to fit in, especially with the queen bee. It was so tiring, especially since I was always at the bottom of the group.
Looking back, I regret putting all that effort into fake and unrealistic friendships, trying to please people who didn’t really care for me. I will always be that girl who tried so hard to fit into a place where she didn’t belong.
A few weeks ago, I did something I never thought I would do – I reached out to an old high school friend on Facebook after 15 long years. It was just a simple message, saying “Hi, hope all is well with you and your family”.
To my surprise, my friend, who now lives in Italy, called me as soon as she saw my message. Seeing her name and display picture pop up on my phone made me instantly happy, and without hesitation, I answered her call.
It took us about 90 minutes to catch up on all the life changes we’ve experienced in the past decade and a half. It was as if no time had passed at all. We spoke about our new lives, our husbands, her baby, and my struggles with getting pregnant. It was such a relief to be able to talk openly about my challenges with someone who understood me. That’s what true connection is all about – being able to pick up where you left off, with no questions asked and no explanations needed.
Since that initial conversation, we’ve been talking to each other for 45 to 60 minutes about 4-5 times a week, and we really enjoy each other’s company, even though we’re separated by a distance of 7,700 kilometers. It’s amazing how technology can help us stay connected even when we’re physically far apart.
Do you have a friend like this? Someone who you haven’t spoken to in years, but who you know you could call up and talk to for hours without skipping a beat?
I feel so grateful to have rekindled this friendship, and I hope that it inspires others to reach out and connect with the people who once meant so much to them. You never know how much joy it might bring to both of you.
Five years ago, I would have given anything to have what I have now. But at that time, my life felt empty – I was an empty vessel with a singular focus on finding love. I blame my mother for constantly reminding me that I needed to marry before I turned 30, poisoning my mind and pressuring me to find a suitable husband.
During my mid-20s, I watched as my friends fell in love, got engaged, and started their new lives together, while I felt like I was missing out on everything. My mother’s voice was constantly in my head, telling me to leave everything else aside and focus on finding a husband. I was conditioned to believe that this was the only goal worth striving for.
As a result, I found myself sinking into a deep depression. I felt like I was constantly haunted by “what if” scenarios, and I spent countless hours on Facebook, scrolling through pictures of happy couples and crying myself to sleep at night. I was desperate, and my desperation led me down a path of failed relationships with men who were not right for me.
Eventually, I decided to take control of my life and raise my standards. I stopped thinking with my heart and my hormones, and started using my brain to make better decisions. I focused on building my career, and slowly but surely, I began to shed my desperation.
And then, fate stepped in. I met the man of my dreams, and we got married when I was 28. It all felt like it was meant to be, and I knew that all of the failed relationships and heartache had led me to this moment.
Looking back, I regret that I missed out on one of the greatest achievements of my life – graduating from college. I blame my mother for not encouraging me to further my education. But I know that it’s never too late, and I can still pursue my dreams and achieve my goals.
In the end, I’ve learned that life is unpredictable, and sometimes the things we think we want the most are not really what we need. It’s important to focus on building a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, rather than simply chasing after a singular goal. And if we’re patient and open to the possibilities that life presents, we may find that our dreams come true in unexpected and wonderful ways.
As I approach my 32nd birthday, I can’t help but feel a sense of panic about where I am in life. I’ve been on this planet for over 11,000 days, and I can’t help but wonder what I’ve really achieved.
The truth is, it feels like nothing. Sure, I married the love of my life at 28, but in my culture, that’s considered late. Now, all the aunties are constantly asking when we’re going to have a child. It’s frustrating because they don’t understand that it’s not always easy to get pregnant. We’ve tried, and even sought out fertility treatments earlier this year. The doctor said I was good to go, but then I got my period the next month. I was devastated.
On top of that, I feel like I haven’t accomplished much in terms of my education or career. While my husband has a master’s degree, I only have a high school diploma and a six-month marketing course. I’ve worked as a marketing executive and personal assistant for the past 12 years, but I’ve always been drawn to psychology. In 2017, I started a two-year higher national diploma program that would eventually lead to a degree in psychology. But so far, I’ve skipped seven exams and I’m struggling to balance my work and school life.
I know “work-life balance” can be a bit of a cliché, but it’s a real struggle for me. And while I like the idea of pursuing a psychology degree, I just can’t seem to find the motivation to follow through with it. My 21-year-old niece is even in the same program, and her progress intimidates me. I’d rather spend my time cooking, cleaning, or taking care of our dog instead of hitting the books. But deep down, I know that I can do it if I put in the effort.
The problem is that I tend to give up easily or lose interest in things quickly. I know that’s a major stumbling block for me, but I’m not sure what the solution is. I keep telling myself that it’s okay to let things go and bear the cost, but I really want to complete my psychology degree and prove to myself that I can do something meaningful. I just need to find the drive to make it happen.
Our past is the main building block of who we are today and who we’ve become. It has changed me a lot, and most of it is for the better. I’m leaping towards the present and preparing to embrace the future. Some people cherish and speak highly about their past, but for me, I try to speak less of it and wish I could blur it out. I wouldn’t mind retaking it with the wisdom I have now and being able to do wonders with myself, if that were possible. For me, my past has been unpleasant, mainly due to my high school life.
When I was young, I was not the most attractive child. I was thin and had a dark complexion, and priority was given to pretty and fair-skinned little girls. I vaguely remember being separated in grade 1 and 2 from the rest of the class, which made me rebellious, rude and defensive. My dad was working in the Middle East to keep us happy and cushy, and my mom was not very social, so I had to learn most things by myself. When I was in high school, friend groups began to form, and it was challenging for me to keep up with the latest trends among teenagers. However, I became a part of the popular crowd by networking and making sure I was part of other groups as well. Sadly, I was not a very talented student and had okay grades to survive.
I remember one incident when I badly wanted to be a part of our school’s oriental band, and I was rejected. I was let down by teachers so many times, mainly because of my appearance, and it affected my self-esteem. Looking back, it hurts a lot. In grade 5, I had to fight for my best friend, but it was making me sad and unpleasant for everyone. I finally gave up in grade 8 and moved on to hang out with different groups. Even though I was running with the popular kids, I had to keep up appearances and pretend to talk about boys and crushes. In my defense, I was not even interested in boys at that time, but I had to keep up. Since everyone had experienced their first kiss by the age of 16 and had already started to date. I finally started to date and experienced my first kiss on October 3, 2003. I remember getting a headache afterwards. I broke up with him on August 9, 2004, after celebrating exactly one year with him because I was not feeling the relationship.
In 2005, I completed high school, and our theme was “As we go on, we remember, all the times we had together, and as our lives change come whatever, we will still be friends forever” Then famous song by Vitamin C! Most people miss high school and keep close touch with their high school besties, but I chose otherwise.
In 2011, I cut all connections with my old friend group. Two close friends really gave a damn, but I was not ready to bounce back, and I don’t think I’ll ever be. Since then, things have been better with less stress and keeping up with fake socialites. I excluded them from all my precious moments, and they excluded me from theirs, and that never bothered me. My friend circle became limited, and I didn’t care.
During my high school days, I was a part of the popular ‘it crowd.’ I felt relieved that I could blend in with the ‘it girls’ and I looked down upon those who were not a part of our group. Although I wasn’t cruel or malicious, I wasn’t interested in making meaningful connections with others. In retrospect, keeping up with the crowd was both challenging and expensive. After we graduated, it became even more challenging since some of us got jobs and continued with higher studies. There were parties and events where everyone had to dress up and look their best. These events were costly, and I couldn’t keep up with the expenses. Finally, after my 25th birthday, I realized that I couldn’t continue living this way and stopped responding to their calls and messages.
Although I miss the fancy lifestyle, I’m happy that I moved on. I made new friends, and eventually, I found my husband. Our circle of friends expanded when we got married, and the number of ladies increased. Unfortunately, as the circle grew, so did the drama. Couples began forming, and it became another set of ‘IT’ crowd. I tried to stay away and keep to myself.
While I do believe that isolation is necessary, I also think that human contact is vital once in a while. Drama is everywhere, and it’s hard to avoid it. Even when you try to keep away from it, it somehow finds you, and you end up playing a major role in a very dramatic movie.
Lately, death has been on my mind a lot. The thought of finally escaping this cruel world brings me a strange sense of peace. My views on life have become weak, and I don’t have the energy to strengthen them. It’s all too much to bother with.
Yesterday, I signed a promissory note to donate my eyes to the national hospital so that someone else can see the world through them. It’s a creepy thought, but it gives me some comfort to know that a part of me can live on after I’m gone. I’ve also been sending small messages to my closest friend, thanking her for being there for me.
My mental and emotional state is slowing down, and I’m okay with that. What’s the point of living, anyway? Friends and family backstab each other, waiting for you to make a mistake or waiting for you to fail. Are these people truly your family or friends? To make matters worse, there’s so much corruption at work.
We turn to religion in times of failure, seeking peace and a way to deal with our burdens. But the so-called religious people can be the very ones to push us towards the abyss, without any hesitation. Then, they seek forgiveness from God and feel better while moving on to their next victim.
It’s disheartening to see so much corruption and evil lurking in the house of God. If God exists, why does he allow such things to happen?
I’m at a point where I feel exhausted and worn out. My self-esteem has been low for a long time, and now I’m struggling with feeling unattractive. It’s particularly painful to hear my partner say that they find me unappealing. I’ve been trying to work through these feelings for a while now, but it’s been a struggle.
Recently, a close and trusted friend told me a rumor about my partner, but there’s no evidence to support it. I’ve been trying to piece things together, but it’s difficult. My partner has been flirting with a woman at the pastry shop, and apparently ran a marathon to impress her. I’m left wondering who this woman is, and why my partner is behaving this way. It’s hard to trust someone who has cheated before.
Sometimes, I feel like giving up. I wonder if I should just stop caring about my appearance and let myself go. But that’s not who I want to be. I’ve been hurt by being cheated on and lied to, and I don’t think I deserve that. I’ve been wanting to shut down for a long time, but I’ve never had the courage to do it. Maybe now is the time.
It feels like I’m fading away, and my view is clouded by lies. I don’t have anyone to turn to for help, and it’s incredibly isolating. I feel shut down and ignored. But I know that I’m worth more than that. It’s time to take a step back, assess my priorities, and figure out how to move forward.
I remember that dreadful day, the day I found out about my first love cheating on me.
We had dated for almost three years. However, on our second year, rumors started to circulate that he was seeing someone else at work. Despite my so-called high school best friends at that time warning me, I refused to believe them and accused them of being jealous. I was 20 and naïve; didn’t want to let go of him. Thought he was the only one for me. I had been possessive and acting irrationally. Despite hearing rumors from all corners, I clung to the hope of us being together. Unfortunately, our relationship ended two years ago without me knowing and looking back, it was clear that my possessiveness had caused a rift between us.
He tried to break up with me many times, but I refused to accept it. I cried myself to sleep almost every night and even hit my head against the wall on several occasions. I was afraid that I would never find someone to love me, so I stalked him online to make sure he wasn’t seeing anyone else. Later, I found proof that he was, and I called the other woman and yelled at her. Within minutes, he called me and said it was over. I apologized and begged him to give me another chance, but he refused.
I took the bus directly to his house, hoping to make things right. His mom answered the door, and I thought she would take my side, but instead, she asked me to leave. I broke down and realized that I had lost my dignity. It was time for me to move on and leave everything behind. I walked in the rain until I reached a bridge. I touched it and looked down, feeling as if I had hit rock bottom. I continued walking until I reached home. That version of me died that night.
Eventually, I started to love again and thought that I had found my happy ending. However, history repeated itself in a different form, and I lost the best version of myself once again.
Overall, possessiveness and jealousy can lead to the downfall of a relationship. It’s important to trust your loved ones and not let fear and insecurity dictate your actions. It’s never easy to move on from a failed relationship, but it’s necessary for growth and finding happiness.
I’m sitting in my room, lost in thought and a gentle tapping on my door startles me. I feel confused and scared, my mind racing as the tapping grows louder and louder. In a panic, I cover my ears and shut my eyes tightly, falling to the floor. The cold, prickly surface beneath me only adds to my discomfort.
I try to shout for the tapping to stop, but my voice catches in my throat. Instead, I look at the door several times, hoping the noise will cease. To my surprise, it does.
Feeling victorious, I stand up and dust myself off, relieved that the disturbance has ended. I take deep breaths, trying to calm myself and move on with my day.
But life has a way of repeating itself, and soon the tapping begins again. This time, I try to resist, forcing myself to continue with my schedule despite the distraction. “Go away!” I scream at the door in anger, but the tapping persists.
Before long, the tapping consumes me, dragging me down into a dark place. I feel trapped, unable to escape its grasp. Even as I see others moving forward, I feel stuck in limbo, struggling to deal with the doubts and fears that the tapping brings.
Are they really lies? I don’t know, but I can’t shake the feeling that they are. The tapping continues, and I’m left to face it head-on, hoping to find a way out of the darkness it creates.
I’m bored. There’s nothing good on TV, and the house is a mess. I’ve managed to keep the dirty laundry neatly in a corner, but it’s still a mess.
I need a change. A new look, perhaps. That’s what I need. A new look and to shed a few pounds. I’m fed up of hearing how fat I am. Back in the day, I used to get hurt and weep, but I’m not like that anymore. I’m stronger now. My defense systems are fully functional. I turn into a bitch when I hear the word fat.
Why would you even say things like that? Especially when you meet me after a very long time. If you’ve got nothing good to say apart from “Hi, how have you been?” don’t say anything. Wait for my reply. There’s no need to go that extra mile to compliment my appearance.
Yes, I have gained a few pounds since we last met. Cravings, I tell you! Lately, it has been KFC. But I’m in control now. Since then, I’ve lost four pounds.
I see myself every morning when I get dressed for work. I can no longer fit into my favorite dress. It’s not that bad, but I need to work out and cut down on desserts, and I have. For the past two months, I have controlled my cravings and skipped dinner.
You have gotten fat too, but do I say it? No, I don’t. I know how it feels. I know the pain of starvation. I know the feeling of ignoring a craving.
I will lose weight. I will shed those extra pounds. Not for you, but for me. I want to feel confident and healthy. I’m not going to let anyone bring me down, and I’m going to work hard to achieve my goals. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m ready for the challenge.
Curiosity got the best of me today, and yes, they are a couple, out in the open now!
I’m stalking his Facebook and comparing it with hers.
When we last spoke, he mentioned about her and said that they liked each other. I didn’t ask him any further about it, unsure if it was a rebound or if he had really moved on and fallen in love. What’s in it for me, even if they are in love? Right?
I just want to feel the envy; indulge in miserable.
It’s been two years since we broke up. I’m happy and have moved on and in love. I shouldn’t feel jealous of him.
Short hair. Braces. She cute!
He called me four months back. An awkward casual chat.
I just want to slap these feelings off me, shake it off like Taylor says. keep reminding myself how he treated me. How I was neglected. But HER, he’s devoted to her, for now at least.
By stalking them, I’ve conclude: he’s in love… for now at least.
He takes her to the beach. He hates the beach!
I’m ashamed of myself for feeling this way. He was never romantic with me. I remember the cheap bouquet of flowers he sent me on my birthday. He never went out of the way to make me feel special. It was always his friends and parties.
I was settling. I was settling for him, never realizing that I could do better. When I met him, I was not in a good place mentally.
He only saw a projection of a perfect little miss.
He used to go missing for two or three days. I’d call. I’d message. All went unanswered.
We spent the night at a cheap hotel, made love, but it didn’t feel right. Being with him in an unknown city, in public, I felt ashamed; to be seen with him.
We made love in the back seat of his car a few times, but there wasn’t enough passion between us. We weren’t in love, and I wasn’t satisfied.
I should stop stalking them. It’s been a long time, and I have moved on. He’s moving on now. They found each other, and they are happy. That’s fate. Love always finds a way.
Why can’t I be happy for him? I analyze myself. I analyze ‘us.’ We were never ‘us.’ He was just a phase, and I’m sure he knows that too.
I have a headache and I’ve been experiencing a fever on and off. I’m feeling distressed.
My mind is busy, but today, scheming and plotting sounds like too much effort. I’m just trying to find ways to get out of all the complicated in-law business.
I take deep breaths and count to ten to stay calm, but I’m distracted and need to get away from being harassed.
All I want is to take a stress-free nap and have a relaxed weekend without anyone nagging me for sleeping.
Work gives me peace of mind. That’s why I force myself to go every day without taking any leave. I get stressed when he’s around because he has an opinion on everything I do and lectures me for hours about things that are irrelevant to me.
I wish I could tell him to leave me alone or go harass someone else. It’s his house that I live in, which he reminds me of every time. The house was passed down to his son, so there’s no movement until continents apart.
He corrects me every time I use the term “ours,” so I can’t call it my home.
I have a fever, and my work phone keeps ringing. I shouldn’t use offensive language since I work for a Christian organization. Sometimes, though, I don’t care. I have too much going on to worry about my language.
I’m angry all the time, even at innocent people. Well, most of them are innocent. There are two or three people I don’t like, and when they try to communicate with me for official matters, I turn into an angry person. I can feel the frown on my face, and it gives me a headache, but I keep frowning until the conversation is over. They don’t deserve my cruelty, but I can’t stop.
I’m hurting and feeling trapped. He broke me with his false accusations and unnecessary lectures. Every day, I have to find new ways to avoid contact with them until I gather what’s scattered.
As I sit in one corner on my laptop and my husband occupies the other corner playing FIFA 17, I realize that we’ve been in silence for the past three hours. Although we often spend our weekends like this, it feels different today. I usually take the initiative to talk or show affection to him, but today, I didn’t feel like doing any of that. He didn’t seem to mind either. I made him a small snack to go with his drink, but he took it without saying a word. I ate my share of the snack and watched some South Park, but eventually grew bored.
Is this what married life is supposed to be like? Shouldn’t we be doing things together as a couple instead of being slaves to our devices? Whatever happened to conversations?
My husband’s hobbies consist of playing video games, drinking, and smoking. I’ve urged him countless times to quit smoking and even ordered nicotine patches, but he still continues to smoke. He claims to have limited himself to five cigarettes a day for the past 24 months, but that’s not enough. I’ve stopped nagging him about it, but it still bothers me.
Although I enjoy staying at home, I don’t mind going out for dates or activities with my husband. However, he only likes going out for dinner or drinks with his friends, and when I suggest doing something as a couple, he gets defensive. I’ve asked him about it multiple times, but he hasn’t given me a satisfactory answer.
Lately, life has been a routine for me: wake up, make breakfast and tea, shower, go to work, come back, prepare dinner, and make my husband tea when he calls. By 9:30 pm, we’re both exhausted and ready for bed. I can’t complain about my job because it pays poorly, and my self-esteem is suffering. To make things worse, a colleague is trying to turn me against my boss.
I’m feeling confused and trying to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life. Is it too late?
HOT SPOT JUNCTION 