BREAKUP

On Tuesday evening, I closed the book on my relationship with my new boyfriend. He had gone completely silent on me from the previous Friday, despite us making plans for the weekend. Suddenly, he canceled on me, claiming that something came up and promising to call me later to explain. However, I never received that call. On Saturday, a woman posted on his Facebook wall asking if the party was still going on, and on Sunday and Monday, I heard nothing from him. Then on Monday, I saw photos of him on a hiking trip with some pretty looking girls. Despite feeling neglected, I managed to keep my head held high.

Then on Tuesday morning, he finally sent me a message, saying, “Sorry for not keeping in touch. I had to go through some rough patches. But now I’m okay. How are you?” After days of silence, I’m sure he didn’t expect an immediate reply. He probably thought I was an idiot. But that’s when I decided to drop him like a hot potato. Can you blame me? To all of his desperate messages, I only replied by saying, “I hope you are recovering from your rough situation. I don’t think you and I are working out.” He asked for reasons, but I didn’t feel like I owed him any. The explanation was simple: it was all about the lies.

One of our mutual friends asked about the breakup, and I poured my heart out to her just to relieve the burden from my chest. Eventually, she passed the message on to him. All he had to do was be honest with me. I would have been disappointed if our weekend plans were canceled, but I would have understood if he wanted to hang out with his friends. It was the lies that made it impossible for me to continue the relationship. He hasn’t contacted me since then. I guess he figured it out in the end.

STRUGGLE

Life may seem overrated these days,

What’s the point in going through life’s never-ending drama?

Everyone around me seems content, but are they really?

We are all just masking, who are we really? Why are we on this earth? What’s the purpose of our existence? So many questions pop up when I’m bored and depressed!

Rich or poor, people struggle to get through the day, The rich to earn more, the poor to fill their empty guts. At the end of the day or end of life, what was the entire struggle for? Is it just to go 6 feet under? We may struggle for 60 minutes, tomorrow, or until we’re 70, And unexpectedly, it’ll all end for us just like that, And the world will continue with or without us.

SHORT BREAKUP STORY

I used to like a boy who helped my uncle with his medical camps. After several conversations, it was decided that he was not a match for me, so I moved on. In October 2013, I was helping my uncle out with his health camp, and the boy I used to like was also present. It felt awkward because I stopped talking to him just like that. In order to avoid further contact with him at the camp, I sought distraction and started chitchatting with a few sponsors.

Around 2 PM, the camp was slowing down, and gradually we started to wrap it up. One of the sponsors came up to me and asked if it was okay to give my number to one of his colleagues who seemed to be interested in me. His colleague had dark skin, was lean with spiky hair, not the type I would consider passing my number to, but for some reason, I did.

Within hours, messages were exchanged at a rapid rate, and we added each other on Facebook. (That’s when I remembered him properly.) As I said earlier, he was not my type, and yet, I kept communicating with him, and the messaging turned into verbal conversations. Bit by bit, I started to learn about him. I discovered that he lived 150km away from my city and that he was three years younger than me. Well, it was obvious from his physical appearance. I should have seen that coming…

After consecutive conversations, he made it clear that he wanted to date me. At first, I was a bit hesitant, but later on, leaving the age difference and his appearance aside, he seemed like a genuine person with a caring personality.

I still remember how excited he was about our first date. He drove 150km just to be with me, and while daydreaming about us, he had gone and knocked a car in front. I saw pride in his eyes when he introduced me to his friends and how happy he was to call me his girlfriend in front of them. When he was in the city, most of the time, we met up with his friends, never had time alone, and not much physical contact. I began to wonder why he was not excited about being with me, and then we decided to have a weekend just for the two of us. He wanted me to look around for a good hotel, and in a jiffy, I was on it! But our weekend got postponed three times, and our Valentine’s celebration also went for a toss because I had to go on a family vacation. Both of us decided it would be the next weekend, and we were looking forward to being with each other.

I began falling for him and was thinking of him every second and every minute, and I secretly knew that he was falling in love with me too.

Last Wednesday, things began to change. We said our good nights around 11 PM. (He said he was really tired, and I understood because he had been traveling for the past two days.) I was on WhatsApp and saw him online at midnight! I just watched him, and he was online for a long time. I was fuming and was wondering what the hell was going on! So I rang him, but he didn’t answer, and as soon as the ringing stopped, he was back online. I was stunned at what just happened. Yes, I stalked him, but imagine if your new boyfriend does that to you, how you’d feel? In the past, I have been cheated on, and the doubt cloud was hovering around my head. I panicked, and my heart began to race. Should I cry? Be angry and smash something? My emotions were all over the place.

The next morning, he called me and asked about the missed calls. He claimed he was asleep, but I knew he was lying. It was frustrating to hear him lie to me when I already knew the truth. He said his GPS was on and it made him appear online even if he wasn’t on WhatsApp. I didn’t believe him, but I didn’t push the issue.

We didn’t text or call each other much that day. I even canceled our hotel booking without telling him because I didn’t want to push someone who wasn’t willing to make an effort. He had canceled on me multiple times just to hang out with his friends, and it was always up to me to fight for our plans. I was disappointed that he never made an effort to prioritize me.

Early Friday morning, he called and said he was coming to the city to see me. I acted excited, but I was hesitant about continuing with the plans. Just like the day before, there was no communication between us, and around 6 pm, he messaged me saying he couldn’t make it. He never called me back, and I didn’t reach out to him because I didn’t want to chase someone who didn’t care about me. It’s safe to say we have broken up.

It’s disappointing and hurtful, but maybe it’s a sign that he wasn’t the right person for me. I realize now that I was settling for someone who wasn’t willing to make an effort. But I won’t give up hope that the right person is out there for me. I just need to be patient and have faith that someday, I will find him.

RELATIONSHIPS

I welcomed 2014 with open arms, hoping the new year would bring positive changes to my life. Unfortunately, two months in, my depression has only worsened. Though things at home and work have been smooth sailing (knock on wood), my relationships with friends and romantic partners have fallen apart. It’s as if I can see my entire social life crumbling brick by brick, which is affecting me greatly.

Most of my school friends have deserted me and excluded me from almost every function. At first, this exclusion broke me down and I cried for days. But eventually, I pulled myself together and moved on. I’ve been shutting down on them (and vice versa) for over two years now, but a few months ago, one of them urged me to renew lost connections with the group, claiming they were waiting for me to come back. So, in November, I gathered the courage to try again.

I had hope that reconnecting would give me new life, but I was wrong. Over the past two years, the friendship had been damaged beyond repair. I felt like a stranger among them, excluded from conversations and newly-made memories. It was as if I was invisible. Reconnecting with them seemed impossible, and I began to wonder if they were truly my friends. None of them were there for me when I needed them most, when I hit rock bottom or when I needed a shoulder to cry on. None of them cared when I went silent. So, was it worth fighting for a friendship like that?

This year, three of them are getting married. One already did in January, but I wasn’t invited. I know I won’t be invited to the other two weddings either. It hurts to be left out, but is it worth the pain? One minute, I’m angry at them and ready to move on, and the next, I’m shattered, trying to glue the pieces of our friendship back together. All of these feelings boil down to rejection, and I need to learn to accept what’s happening and move on.

In the end, all of my friends turned their backs on me during my darkest hour. They knew nothing about what I was going through or how it was affecting me mentally and physically. They only saw a girl who rejected their invitations to lunch, tea parties, and weekend getaways. Only I know how broken I was, even financially. They lost a good friend, and now they are merely someone I used to know.

UNFAITHFUL PARTNERS

Does faithfulness still exist among the human race, or has it been a myth all along? This question has been on my mind for a while, and I’m still trying to understand it. As human beings, we have all been unfaithful to our partners at least once, no matter how beautiful or handsome they may be. But why is this the case? If we no longer want to be with our partner, why can’t we be direct and honest about it? Why can’t we remain loyal to them? Unfortunately, due to my own unfaithful partners, I have become an experienced investigator. I hate the person I’ve become: always suspicious, paranoid, and constantly building scenarios in my head. Infidelity destroys not only the relationship but also the trust that remains long after the relationship ends.

BREATHING

I’m tired of the breath I’m taking,

My life feels like an empty vessel shaking,

A void of purpose, or so it seems,

Amidst heartache, betrayal, and shattered dreams.

But I refuse to believe I’m a waste of space,

An unloved being with no saving grace,

I’m more than flesh and bones, you see,

With a purpose and potential waiting for me.

Yes, my journey has been rough and tough,

And my happy ending seems far off,

But I won’t give up on my dreams,

Or the miracle of love that it seems.

I’ll keep looking for that special one,

Who’ll cherish and love me, and be my sun,

For love is not always easy to find,

But it’s worth the wait, and it’s one of a kind.

So, I won’t give up or give in to despair,

For life can be beautiful beyond compare,

I’ll keep breathing, and I’ll keep trying,

Until I find my purpose and my happy ending