EXTRA POUNDS

I’m bored. There’s nothing good on TV, and the house is a mess. I’ve managed to keep the dirty laundry neatly in a corner, but it’s still a mess.

I need a change. A new look, perhaps. That’s what I need. A new look and to shed a few pounds. I’m fed up of hearing how fat I am. Back in the day, I used to get hurt and weep, but I’m not like that anymore. I’m stronger now. My defense systems are fully functional. I turn into a bitch when I hear the word fat.

Why would you even say things like that? Especially when you meet me after a very long time. If you’ve got nothing good to say apart from “Hi, how have you been?” don’t say anything. Wait for my reply. There’s no need to go that extra mile to compliment my appearance.

Yes, I have gained a few pounds since we last met. Cravings, I tell you! Lately, it has been KFC. But I’m in control now. Since then, I’ve lost four pounds.

I see myself every morning when I get dressed for work. I can no longer fit into my favorite dress. It’s not that bad, but I need to work out and cut down on desserts, and I have. For the past two months, I have controlled my cravings and skipped dinner.

You have gotten fat too, but do I say it? No, I don’t. I know how it feels. I know the pain of starvation. I know the feeling of ignoring a craving.

I will lose weight. I will shed those extra pounds. Not for you, but for me. I want to feel confident and healthy. I’m not going to let anyone bring me down, and I’m going to work hard to achieve my goals. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m ready for the challenge.

ANOTHER EX

Curiosity got the best of me today, and yes, they are a couple, out in the open now!

I’m stalking his Facebook and comparing it with hers.

When we last spoke, he mentioned about her and said that they liked each other. I didn’t ask him any further about it, unsure if it was a rebound or if he had really moved on and fallen in love. What’s in it for me, even if they are in love? Right?

I just want to feel the envy; indulge in miserable.

It’s been two years since we broke up. I’m happy and have moved on and in love. I shouldn’t feel jealous of him.

Short hair. Braces. She cute!

He called me four months back. An awkward casual chat.

I just want to slap these feelings off me, shake it off like Taylor says. keep reminding myself how he treated me. How I was neglected. But HER, he’s devoted to her, for now at least.

By stalking them, I’ve conclude: he’s in love… for now at least.

He takes her to the beach. He hates the beach!

I’m ashamed of myself for feeling this way. He was never romantic with me. I remember the cheap bouquet of flowers he sent me on my birthday. He never went out of the way to make me feel special. It was always his friends and parties.

I was settling. I was settling for him, never realizing that I could do better. When I met him, I was not in a good place mentally.

He only saw a projection of a perfect little miss.

He used to go missing for two or three days. I’d call. I’d message. All went unanswered.

We spent the night at a cheap hotel, made love, but it didn’t feel right. Being with him in an unknown city, in public, I felt ashamed; to be seen with him.

We made love in the back seat of his car a few times, but there wasn’t enough passion between us. We weren’t in love, and I wasn’t satisfied.

I should stop stalking them. It’s been a long time, and I have moved on. He’s moving on now. They found each other, and they are happy. That’s fate. Love always finds a way.

Why can’t I be happy for him? I analyze myself. I analyze ‘us.’ We were never ‘us.’ He was just a phase, and I’m sure he knows that too.

FEELINGS

I have a headache and I’ve been experiencing a fever on and off. I’m feeling distressed.

My mind is busy, but today, scheming and plotting sounds like too much effort. I’m just trying to find ways to get out of all the complicated in-law business.

I take deep breaths and count to ten to stay calm, but I’m distracted and need to get away from being harassed.

All I want is to take a stress-free nap and have a relaxed weekend without anyone nagging me for sleeping.

Work gives me peace of mind. That’s why I force myself to go every day without taking any leave. I get stressed when he’s around because he has an opinion on everything I do and lectures me for hours about things that are irrelevant to me.

I wish I could tell him to leave me alone or go harass someone else. It’s his house that I live in, which he reminds me of every time. The house was passed down to his son, so there’s no movement until continents apart.

He corrects me every time I use the term “ours,” so I can’t call it my home.

I have a fever, and my work phone keeps ringing. I shouldn’t use offensive language since I work for a Christian organization. Sometimes, though, I don’t care. I have too much going on to worry about my language.

I’m angry all the time, even at innocent people. Well, most of them are innocent. There are two or three people I don’t like, and when they try to communicate with me for official matters, I turn into an angry person. I can feel the frown on my face, and it gives me a headache, but I keep frowning until the conversation is over. They don’t deserve my cruelty, but I can’t stop.

I’m hurting and feeling trapped. He broke me with his false accusations and unnecessary lectures. Every day, I have to find new ways to avoid contact with them until I gather what’s scattered.