MEMORIES FADE

Our past is the main building block of who we are today and who we’ve become. It has changed me a lot, and most of it is for the better. I’m leaping towards the present and preparing to embrace the future. Some people cherish and speak highly about their past, but for me, I try to speak less of it and wish I could blur it out. I wouldn’t mind retaking it with the wisdom I have now and being able to do wonders with myself, if that were possible. For me, my past has been unpleasant, mainly due to my high school life.

When I was young, I was not the most attractive child. I was thin and had a dark complexion, and priority was given to pretty and fair-skinned little girls. I vaguely remember being separated in grade 1 and 2 from the rest of the class, which made me rebellious, rude and defensive. My dad was working in the Middle East to keep us happy and cushy, and my mom was not very social, so I had to learn most things by myself. When I was in high school, friend groups began to form, and it was challenging for me to keep up with the latest trends among teenagers. However, I became a part of the popular crowd by networking and making sure I was part of other groups as well. Sadly, I was not a very talented student and had okay grades to survive.

I remember one incident when I badly wanted to be a part of our school’s oriental band, and I was rejected. I was let down by teachers so many times, mainly because of my appearance, and it affected my self-esteem. Looking back, it hurts a lot. In grade 5, I had to fight for my best friend, but it was making me sad and unpleasant for everyone. I finally gave up in grade 8 and moved on to hang out with different groups. Even though I was running with the popular kids, I had to keep up appearances and pretend to talk about boys and crushes. In my defense, I was not even interested in boys at that time, but I had to keep up. Since everyone had experienced their first kiss by the age of 16 and had already started to date. I finally started to date and experienced my first kiss on October 3, 2003. I remember getting a headache afterwards. I broke up with him on August 9, 2004, after celebrating exactly one year with him because I was not feeling the relationship.

In 2005, I completed high school, and our theme was “As we go on, we remember, all the times we had together, and as our lives change come whatever, we will still be friends forever” Then famous song by Vitamin C! Most people miss high school and keep close touch with their high school besties, but I chose otherwise.

In 2011, I cut all connections with my old friend group. Two close friends really gave a damn, but I was not ready to bounce back, and I don’t think I’ll ever be. Since then, things have been better with less stress and keeping up with fake socialites. I excluded them from all my precious moments, and they excluded me from theirs, and that never bothered me. My friend circle became limited, and I didn’t care.